Jillian and Jack-The Truth Behind the Decision

When I found out I was pregnant with my first child I traveled through the wave of emotions that rush in as soon as the stick indicates that yes, your intuition was correct. It was not long after that I tapped into the many resources I had bookmarked on my computer while I wished and hoped and dreamed as my husband and I navigated the world of trying to start a family and dealing with infertility. We were blessed. We are blessed.

Almost immediately, the decision making begins. All of a sudden what I ate,drank, and did had the profoundest of impacts and while I was rearranging how I lived my life, I was also thinking about what I wanted for my child. Breastfeeding was always the option for me. I had read and read and read and knew it was what I wanted for my child but I also know that nothing is as easy at it seems and had witnessed many women in my life struggle with feeding their own child.

The small amount of breastfeeding we do see in the media or popular culture portrays breastfeeding as an easy task. It's always serene and peaceful, not learned but inherent and punctuated by the smile of a mother and a doting father. Having witnessed the struggle of women around me, I quickly enrolled my husband and I in a breastfeeding class for expecting parents. It was here that I thought I would learn it all.

The class covered the mechanics and spurred my husband and I to talk about breastfeeding and what it would mean to us but what more could it do? While I knew it would be a challenge, with the class under my belt, I was ready to face it head on.

No one told me about the pain, the crying, the frustration, the lack of energy, the amount of energy (two people spending thirty minutes trying to get a newborn to latch on through tears), the feeling of empowerment and the feelings of failure. Breastfeeding is natural but it does not come naturally. It is an art that mother and baby must learn during the precious time they are becoming acquainted. I would argue that there is no task so difficult to learn with such great rewards.

I am blessed. I had a wonderful and encouraging support system in my husband, family, and a few nurses who sensed my determination and frustration. I had opportunities to attend support programs and join groups of supportive women who understand. I have formed friendships and am surrounded by great people who share their knowledge. And I have learned. I have learned that every woman not only has a right to choose what is best for her and her child but to make an informed decision and receive support.

Knowledge is power.

There is no right or wrong here. This is not a place to comment on another's story but instead to read and learn. We all have our own breastfeeding truth and it is my hope that by sharing our stories we can empower other women, mothers and mothers-to-be and help them understand that they are not alone and that there is no judgment to their truth. -Jillian, nursing mama to Jack Angelo 10 months